He told me, in discreet way

Assalamualaikum and morning !

I think this is almost the end of my 4th semester and yet this is my first post ayte? haha okay that's what we call i-dont-have-the-time-to-update-everything-in-essay-and-i-lazy-also way. Since Whatsapp has story status or whatever you call story or what, i just stick to whatsapp and update everything there. Twitter becomes soooooo boring since I had this inner emotional conflict with my friends. You know, menstrual conflict. That's absurd.

So, yeay? this time my emotional menstrual syndrome comes again but with greater effect. I become oversensitive in everything and single thing of what my friends do. Even, I was perplexed with their eyes' glances and body gestures even though they don't even speak about me! This menstrual clingy thing is so disturbing. I just wish my emotions will be right back on track but no. They don't want to go away.So, everythings come out from my mind and Syaiton is doing its best job in adding the fuel to the fire. 

At the same time, Allah sends me a few notes or i can say, reminder? Kind reminders to calm me down and be rational in thinking because i am being insensible. I saw a friend updated her status with Islamic quotes and it related a lot to me. Another friend of my former school also updated her status by quoting sooth words and that really shivered me a lot! And I was "tersentap" a lot. I was thinking, am I being selfish? Am I being childish? Am I being unprofessional? Then, what should I do? 

What disappointed me the most is that, in this institute stage, you have to really "bawa diri" you know? So, no one will ever pujuk you, ( maybe they don't have that skill haha), no one will really correct you (they just leave you wondering what was your fault again), and they don't even REALIZE how are you feeling! 

This is so funny because since in school, I am used to people around me being cheerful and always being chatty to me. I wont converse with others unless they started it first. I am not being egoistic but that is just ..... not my nature. 

This is what hurts me the most as an adult. (cewah dah adult ke?) 

Seriously! I have to coax myself and kadang tu kalau I macam takde orang nak layan kan, I just have to ignore that feeling and I am not used to it! Of course I ni kental kat luar tapi hakikatnya I kuat nangis hahaha kat rumah pun macam tu. It's just about my personality. I nampak kuat, kental hati bila kena bash, hati kosong but when that one feeling strikes me and i am alone to handle that, I CRIED! Kadang sampai tertidur sendiri sambil menangis haha! I am surely embarrassed bila ingat perangai ni masa tua nanti!

Setiap kali benda ni jadi, selalu je ada pesan-pesan tersirat yang Allah hadirkan melalui orang-orang tertentu. 

Alah, macam kata-kata pujukan la. 

And akhirnya, i am used to this kind of pujukan. Kadang lepas solat maghrib tu selalu timbul rasa sedih sayu and i ended up menangis tanpa sebab, but then Allah hadirkan kawan untuk pujuk hati I, kawan yang datang untuk buat I lupa kesedihan tu. Tapi, sebenarnya apa yang hati ni nak kan, dia nak kena attend always tu je. Dia nak ada kawan yang hadir tegur dia even though dia tengah masam atau apa ke. 

Haha demand! 

Tapi, takpelah. Ada hikmahnya why Allah hadirkan kat kita orang-orang cenggituuuu. 

Tak payah berlagak victim sangat ya hahahha!