It was in the past

Truly, no one wants to be trapped in the past. Past memory. Including me. I never thought others would have that kind of thought in their minds about me. Instead, i really wish i can get out of these memory. Seems like it is impossible. Each day i am getting stronger to keep the memory. Even though i keep pushing it away.

It is hard. To be friend with everyone. Sometimes, you have to choose who you want to be with and you have to leave the other one. Me too. I was that kind of friend before. I have a friend who the others would not like her, love her and always search for her faults in everything she did. They kept talking behind her back and the worst is I can do nothing about it. I could not even ask them to stop talking about her. Instead, there was time when I was good with them and had to agree with everything they had said. I even clapped my hands for those insults and jerk words. ( I am sorry, friend! )

I was trying to friend with all of my friends, not to that particular group only. I was trying to be wise and fair but i guessed i wrong.  I thought I was being pro enough to suit myself with all the kind of behaviours and went along with them but it was hypocrite.

It was H-I-P-O-R-C-A-C-Y .

I hurt her. Her pride and herself. And our friendship.  She lost her trust in me ? I dont know about that but I hope she dont. Yesterday, she told me everything i need to hear. Everything about our friendship. I asked her to tell me. I was glad she was being honest because no one can be honest about myself. All they want is to say that

" You are good enough " , " I love to have you as a friend " , " I am happy with our friendship" ....

It is hurt dont you know ? It is hurt to not know and recognise myself. Even if I have been friend with them for almost 6 years yet i still dont know myself. And yesterday, she told me the truth.

"you are good to me actually. but only some of the times. When you were with me, you are good, kind and all that angellic things. But then, when you were with them, it as if I dont  know you anymore. You lost yourself. You hope you can change that . Dont be lalang. If you are a friend, treat like a one. Or you might lost your friend forever. Dont be influenced. you were good with the teachers but you were the easily-give-up one. Please dont. Last word from me, APPRECIATE YOUR FRIENDS BECAUSE ONCE YOU BROKE THEIR TRUST, YOU ARE FOREVER ALONE

 That is her message. I really love that words. Words of reflection. Thank you . I cant stand to not cry and keep reflecting myself. bye